Our value has been made our net income...the feeling of needing to earn to be worth something is indoctrinated into us. At school were told about the jobs that will make us the most money, in life our value is what we earn.
This is a wall I'm bouncing up against at the moment, in my head, the way I value myself and my days productivity I've discovered is very subtly valued at whether I've earnt money.
But lets get honest, is that really important? Yes having enough money to feed our family and pay our bills is one thing, but that's still not our value, our value is who we are as a person, not numbers that we attach ourselves to, it may not be even your income, it may be the number of followers you have on social media, the number of houses you own, the number of cars you have, the number of pairs of shoes you hide in a wardbrobe, the number of calories you eat or don't eat, the number of hours you sleep, the number of days holiday you take, the number of hours your work, the number, the number, the number....
Our value is not a number, its not what makes us, it's not what makes us worthy of being alive, worthy of standing in that social circle or worthy of breathing, our value, our worth cannot be measured, it cannot be placed in a number and it cannot be judged by others.
But when we have placed our self worth against numbers, its blooming hard to let those numbers go, this is my current practice, the practice of allowing myself time without feeling guilty or feeling a lack of self worth.
The next bounce is, only doing things that have value in what can be earned, I have a narrative that I have used to justify everything I've done for myself, I'm going to do that because then it will help my teaching, it will earn itself back, what I would never say is, I'm doing it because I want to.
I found myself saying this last night and it was like a strike of lightening, I'd seen a herbalist course online which interested me, so my narrative was, and I said it out loud too, I could do that course and then teach it!!!! WHY CAN'T I JUST DO THE COURSE!!! Why do I only do something if I feel it can earn money back?
So I looked a bit further, I dug a little deeper and the answer, because I don't value myself enough to do it for me, I have to do it for others! BINGO!
My value as a human isn't how hard I work, it isn't how much money I bring into the house hold, it isn't how many followers I have on insta and it isn't how small the number is on the scales, it isn't how any of these, my value is my what I feel for myself.
So my practice this week, to value myself for who I am and not what I do, to do stuff for me, and nothing else and not feel bad if I haven't earnt any money that day or done any 'work' to shed the guilt of giving myself time and to value myself.
What do you place your selfworth against? What's your narrative about your own value? AND how do you place value on the people around you? Because I bet you don't value them for any figure or number!!!
Picture by SEH Photography