Delving into the soul, into our deep empowering energy can be daunting at first, for some it can feel woo woo and for others so painful they can’t comprehend.
As women fitting into the modern western world where our femininity has been drawn back to how we look, rather than who we really are it causes us to disconnect from our soul even more than times gone before. Our power, our deep truth, our all conquering energy sits in our womb area, even if we no longer have a womb the energy source is still there, and with that energy comes our grounding and deep understanding of what it is to be a woman. But to fit into the 8-6 world of jobs, busy lives and climbing ladders of success we often fall out of love with our female power and disconnect from it all together. Our monthly bleed turns into a thing that at best gets in the way and at worst causes us pain angst and upset, so we numb it by taking chemicals to control it or even wipe it out, the beautiful expanse and connection of our bellies as we move through our cycle is abhorred as we feel “fat” so we cover it up and ignore it, and sexual trauma is so prevalent in today’s world that any sort of connection to our sexual drive is shut away, and if spoken about in open or if we dare to admit we enjoy sex were labelled with names that a man would never have. Everything about what it’s actually meant to be a woman is controlled contained and if possible wiped away, so that daily life can be as easy and consistent as possible. Through this our bodies are neglected deep grounding energy is left to go astray and emotions are locked away not able to be felt. These emotions, this deep energetic power, these feels we’ve chosen to ignore for so long manifest themselves in places like our hips and lower backs, in movement they present as tightness, stiffness and what I call blockages, places where our beautiful female energy hasn’t been allowed to flow it’s been restrained and held. When I first found an unkink I was sitting in double pigeon and the tears began to roll, this deep energy that was a mixture of an orgasm I’d never felt and a roaring pain from my inner soul flooded through me, I was shaking and crying all at once, it was then I knew there was more to my body than the hatred I felt for it at the time. I had the coil fitted to numb out and ultimately stop the periods I’d struggled with for years, I rarely looked at myself below the collar bones and I hated even thinking about my vagina and all that came with it, my mum would call me prudish, I was on lock down. As the tears flooded through me and as I kept diving deeper and deeper into these postures that connected with something more I found a shift of consciousness from hatred to acceptance and slowly to love. But there was still something missing, I loved the feels but felt there was a layer I couldn’t shift, i realised the coil that was fitted was causing this separation from the real powerful me that sat inside. Last year I had it removed for the sole reason I wanted to feel again, I wanted to feel it all. The deep pain of my bleed to the high excitement of ovulation, I wanted to finally know what being a woman was really about. Over the months I’ve noticed every part of my cycle and learnt to love it all, from the days that I just want to curl up and nourish myself to the days where I feel I can take the world. I know how it’s going to play out and I get excited about the next part. I feel so much more earthed it’s incredible, I’ve been able to finally deal with my past of sexual trauma and I’ve learnt to enjoy and trust in sex once more, I’ve felt it all, the crazy emotions that my monthly cycle brings, the softening of my belly just before I bleed to the right abs at ovulation, the back pain when an egg is released to the full on mad cleaning missions I go on whilst that egg makes it’s way through me. To me this is being a woman and with this it’s brought me power. It’s brought me love for myself and it’s brought me relief that I finally know my place in this earth. My hip openers have got looser as the binds and blocks have been shed and my deep connection to my womb has become part of my daily practice. To me this is being a woman. This is me.